So what’s the verdict on early learning?

Do you feel like you are sailing on an ocean with no end in sight? Is all that information online leading you nowhere? Well, the good news is, that you are not alone. Every day, parents surf the internet frantically for ideas to keep their wards ‘engaged’. Their search often lands them on some ‘informative’ article, and then they invent new woes. At times, their eyes linger on a picture that is simply ‘perfect’. That colourful, vibrant setup, a meticulously planned activity, a tot who is deeply engrossed in the task at hand, and a happy parent – can create a riot of emotion in the mind of any caregiver. Then, search for unique ideas intensifies. One thing leads to another, and then the heart wages a war against the brain. Am I rushing my child? Is early learning advisable? What method should I follow? My child doesn’t co-operate with me, how in the world am I supposed to design any activities for her? Sounds familiar?

Well, then you’re on the right page, read on.

Now, Pause. Think about your toddler’s eyes for a minute. I bet you’re smiling now. Oh, those big, beautiful eyes! What lies in there, is pure wonder. It is beyond magical, how they can live in the moment. Children are always looking at the world as if it was for the first time in their lives, Paulo Coelho said. This curiosity has enormous potential to create learning.

When I first began ‘teaching’ my bub, I thought it was a piece of cake! I spoke, and she listened, wide-eyed. I spoke to her as if she was the wisest person I knew on the planet, and I was proud that she literally understood everything I said! There, I had it all figured! Easy Peasy. Well, she was 4 months old.

Then, I blinked and she was 1. Huh! Wait, what just happened? I just lost my audience! My ‘teaching’ was all over the place and my bub thought I was not even worth a look. Something was changing, and I couldn’t bear to be so disconnected from what was happening. So, I did what I do best. I researched. I spent my valuable time anxiously looking up the internet for answers. Well, you guessed that right – I was a nervous wreck! Four sleepless nights, dark circles and a heart heavy with guilt lead me to look inward. That is when I had the answers to all my questions. She was my baby after all. How could I not read her?

I began to spend ‘quality time’ with her. I simply played. I didn’t judge, I didn’t preside, but I joined in. And then it all unfolded right before my eyes. That learning was so evident. I watched spellbound as she lost herself in play. This was my cue. I decided to enhance her experience of play. One step at a time led me to a happy place I didn’t even know existed. She began to transfer all the learning into her daily life and I couldn’t help but notice how naturally I had facilitated that. My secret?

Here’s how I did it. My mantra was the 4 R’s.

1) Respect – My doll didn’t always want to do what I suggested. And I respected her wish. I would put something in front of her but not expect her to play as I had envisioned it. She weaved magic and I played along. If her attention wandered, I didn’t say “focus”. Instead, I would join her for a moment in her world and gently guide her back. I did not interrupt her play or direct it. I didn’t think about rearranging her toys, I just let her lead the way. We did not restrict our play to activities around a table and chair. We explored nature, we cooked together, we read books, we simply laughed for no reason, we sat at the window sill and played ‘I spy’, or at times we sat calmly next to each other watching ducks by the duck pond in our neighbourhood.

2) Read – My ‘mommy glasses’ were always on. I made sure to keep an eye on the clock. We kept each activity short and I always considered her age. If she wanted to go on, we didn’t stop. If boredom crept in, we did not persist. If she found it challenging, I would restructure it. A droopy eyelid, a hunger pang and a tired body were simply not allowed to get past me.

3) Reflect- Did I make mistakes? Of course, I did! But that didn’t mean it was the end of the road for us. On the rare occasion that I had time to myself (usually when she napped), I would reflect on what happened. I realized that there was no recipe to a perfect learning activity. Each time was different. I just had to recognize the limitation and amend it for the next one.

4) Rewire – I am a mom, and I am judged. Not a day went by when someone somewhere had an opinion to share about how I laid my life out with my child. So, obviously I needed to rewire. I realized that I needed to share my calm, not chaos with my child. After all, she observed me, and I had to put up a good show.

Well, you must think – this lady has it all cut out for her. Are you kidding me? I still get sweaty underarms when I design activities, and mom guilt isn’t leaving my side. But its all worth it. I still research. There is no place on the internet I haven’t visited as far as early learning is concerned. I have a big fat journal sitting in my craft cupboard that has information about the Montessori, Waldorf, and Reggio methods. I cannot do without my reading and so I have a pile of books right from Daniel Seigel, Janet Lansbury to books on play therapy and cognitive learning. So as you can see, ‘I’m still learning’.

What was the outcome of early learning?

We bonded and bonded strong. We learnt more about each other than we ever could. We focussed on education and not literacy. She was learning, and she didn’t even realize. She trusted me and I welcomed her questions.

So what was the verdict then?

Well, in my opinion, early learning is not a crime. It is subject to judgement, yes. “Wow she’s under 3, and you’re teaching her to read?” “How can she understand that concept? Isn’t that for older kids?” I listened, I analysed, but I didn’t give up. Children learn every day and they are indeed a better version of themselves post that. Maybe we as adults must take a cue from their lives. But we are busy comparing ourselves with someone else who has ‘achieved more’ as per our calculations. Have you wondered what your bub was like a month ago compared to now? There is new learning occurring every day. Even a week gone by, is enough to instil that change. It is not unusual to compare a 4-year-old to a 4.5-year-old. They could be on par or the 4-year-old may be ahead. But that doesn’t mean the 4-year-old is smarter and neither does it mean the 4.5 year- old has stopped learning. Every child learns at his or her own pace. If you catch up, you have an opportunity to enrich this experience in your own special way. You need not have a fancy set up, a clean home like some of those YT videos do, or a brain that churns out ideas at lightning speed. Just do what you do with utmost conviction. Follow a method if you like, if not, mix it up. Grab teaching moments, but avoid lecturing. Respect your child outside of learning. Embrace those tantrums, they’re not terrible. They’re a need waiting to be fulfilled.

If my 34-month-old has a question today, I’m not going to say come back in 2 years. I will address it then and there. If I don’t know, I shall borrow time and revert. If you believe in yourself and your child, you are already on the right track. Enjoy this journey and revel in the joy of learning. The way, you like it.

#earlylearning#parenting#education#mom